In this article, I talk about the idea of self-love. What it is, what it actually means, and its different aspects. Several aspects go into loving oneself, and many things could stop one from doing so.
Self-love has been a buzzword for the last year and a half. Since the pandemic happened, many people have truly experienced what being alone (in the physical sense) means. And that has forced them to look out for themselves because no one else could be there for them.
And being alone this way also meant that people had to live without any disturbance or outside interference. The only person that could be there for them were themselves. That had many people question something. Do they even like who they are?
But liking who you are shouldn’t be a metric for self-love. Why? For that, we would have to talk about love first.
Let’s talk about love.
For millennia, philosophers have pondered the question, what is love? Why would two people willingly attach themselves in such a way that the survival of one is the only thing that matters for the other? Where one person holds power over another. Why?
Well, it was science which answered. The factors of attraction, how love develops over time, how we recognize who is beautiful, and why we form bonds can all be explained with science, largely pointing towards reproduction as the driving force behind all this.
But for this article, let’s not dive into that. All you need to know is that love is not about liking someone. It is first and foremost about acceptance. It is not judgmental. Accepting everything that the other person brings to the table is true love. And secondly, love is about evolving. If one truly loves another person, she would always try to evolve into a better version of themselves to provide & care for that person.
And that is what self-love should be. It should be accepting yourself for you are, without any judgment. And then it should be about evolving into a better version of yourself, for yourself and by yourself.
But then again, loving one’s self isn’t so easy.
Because there are various factors at play here, and I will address each of them one by one.
· The need for Validation
The biggest hurdle that could – and would – come between you and self-love is the need for validation. Validation that you need mainly from society, but in some cases, it could be the need for validation from some particular person. Regardless of its form, the need for validation is destructive of one’s self-esteem and often results in decreased self-love for oneself. My advice is to stop even considering what others think of you, let alone them consenting to your choices. Remember, the only person who you should expect to love you for who you are is yourself. People haven’t walked in your shoes, and they don’t know your story. People only like to make comments to validate themselves and their choices. Frankly, people don’t care. Neither should you.
- Discovering yourself
When the need for validation is no longer present, then you can focus on discovering yourself. Finding out who you are is important. Because if you don’t know who you truly are, then how are you going to accept yourself? So, get rid of the influence others have on you and keep having new experiences to find out who your authentic self is.
- Valuing what you want more than what you have
Don’t we all want to be someone else at times? Someone more good-looking, rich, or cool than us. That thinking is good, as long as the person you want to be is a better you. Remember, love is about evolving. So, if you love yourself, it is natural and expected for you to be a better person. But if that somebody else is a wholly different person, then I would say it is merely wishful thinking. And such wishful thinking is not healthy, as it can warp the sense of your self-value, resulting not in self-love, but self-loathing.
Demons from the past
All the above factors I explained have one thing in common, they are manifested due to something in your past. They are demons from the past affecting your present. Maybe you don’t value yourself because your father didn’t. Maybe you don’t love yourself because your love didn’t. The only advice I can give you is don’t let your past ruin your life.
Realize that you deserve love too. Respect yourself. Accept yourself. And love yourself.
And if you ever need someone to listen, don’t worry, I’ll be there for you.
YumRepoinfo is a free blog that helps you live a dream life with Science and Tech blog. It covers about business, science , technology, environment etc.
ConversionConversion EmoticonEmoticon